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So while I was sick, I spent a lot of the night awake. The weather was warm enough to warrant an open window, but not so warm as to need the air conditioner, so I got to listen to the noises of the night…

And that night, the neighbor was having a party.

Now, I live in an apartment building, so neighbors are pretty close, and in the neighbor’s defense, there was no music playing and people were just talking in regular tones, so they weren’t being obnoxious or anything. But all our windows being open, I could hear it all, the most interesting of which being a drunk guy on his cell phone. On speaker.

Jack_Sparrow_-_Johnny_Depp_(Madame_Tussauds)Drunk guy: “Hey man, how are you?”

Other end: “Fine. Are you drunk?”

Drunk guy: “Yeah. I’m… Yeah. Can I come sleep at your place?”

Other end: “Not in my bedroom. I need my bedroom.”

He jumped to that really fast. This guy was quite protective of his personal space, or perhaps he’d had some experience of Drunk Guy in the past.

Drunk guy: “Of course not. Just like, on a couch or something. I think I need to sleep.”

Other end: “Okay, fine. You can come.”

Drunk guy: “Can you come get me? I’m laying on the grass.”

At this, I HAD to drag myself out of bed to check this out. If there really was a drunk guy laying on the grass outside my window, I was totally calling the local cops to come pick him up. Sorry, I’m a prude like that. But guess what? Drunk Guy LIED! He was not laying on the grass, he was sitting on a chair on the porch outside the neighbor’s sliding glass doors.

Other end: “No. I’m busy.”

At 3 am, I’d think sleeping was a better excuse, but whatever.

Drunk Guy: “Okay, I’ll find my way to your place.”

Other end: “Okay, bye.”

Drunk Guy: “Love you!”

And as it came out of his mouth, you could tell by his tone that he was thinking, “Crap! Why am I saying this? Oh man… I’m drunk.” The other end hung up without a response to that, which made me a giggle a little bit, even being as sick as I was.

Drunk Guy just sat there staring at his phone on the porch for a long while, and come morning, he was gone, so someone must have taken him under wing.

And there you have it–the things that happen during the summer when the air conditioner isn’t running. And I’m awake. My snoring husband missed the whole thing.